Glacecest 30 Kisses: 05: Ano Sa
by Tabi
Summary: Written for 30 Kisses at Livejournal. After the events of volume seven, Carrot and Marron decide to relax a little with one another. Some things are harder to say than others, but it doesn't stop any of them from being true.


~30 Kisses~

~05: Ano Sa...~

So much seemed to have happened of late that, at least for Big Mama's Sorcerer Hunters, it really seemed like there wasn't any space for relaxation. Sorcerer Hunters Killers, the quests for the Platina Stones and all that _that_ had entailed... and of course everything that had happened _afterward_...

It had taken a while for everything to calm down after that. Hakaishin had almost been unleashed and the only things that had prevented this were Sacher Torte's inability to control such raw power and the one last strand that had remained as _Carrot_ that had been practically salvaged from the terrible being that had presented itself... it had been a matter of the human heart coming out over destruction and even though weeks had now passed and everything was calmer now, it still seemed like something that could have so easily turned out the other way.

Perhaps it was best not to dwell on such matters but when it was quiet and peaceful, it was easy to think about how fragile it all seemed. How it could have so easily been destroyed.

Carrot was honestly thankful to the others for what had happened. As much as his will to escape Hakaishin's grasp had been, it hadn't been enough _himself_. As much as he'd tried, he could only ask the others for help and hope against hope that they could hear him... and they had and they'd come to his rescue and things had, more or less, ended happily. Even Sacher was gone now, wasn't he? It seemed like the first time in months that they could really relax.

While it was easy to feel gratitude, it was harder to express it. Carrot had managed to pretty much say (in so many words) that he was grateful about what had happened, but given the huge enormity of what had (or could have) happened, that didn't feel like it was enough somehow.

He wasn't really sure if taking a picnic with Marron was appropriate either, but... it was basically spending time alone with his brother, undisturbed by all of the usual things that would bother them. They'd set off quietly and early in the morning to make sure they were less likely to be trailed... Marron hadn't said anything directly, but Carrot just knew that while Marron had spoken quite excitedly (as far as Marron _could_ speak excitedly) about their plan for a picnic, that enthusiasm would be quite dashed were Gateau to suddenly appear and pull his usual tricks, or if the Misu sisters were to appear and cast some aspersion upon Carrot and wish to punish him for it... both such events could somewhat spoil the mood. So they had been quiet and careful and had walked off to the eastern side of Facade in the early morning. When they'd left Eden, it had only just been getting light... Carrot had been sleepy but had fought it back for Marron's sake. Marron always had been more of a morning person but how could he be so good-natured so early in the morning?!... Carrot stayed quiet, knowing it'd be a while before he wasn't feeling overly grumpy at being woken prematurely.

Still, the fresh morning air had helped restore his spirits somewhat. It was nice to be able to walk out like that as an event rather than an everyday occurrence... too many missions recently had involved sleeping out in the forests no matter how cold it was, no matter how the weather was... but to be able to walk out in the knowledge that a relatively cosy bed and bedroom was waiting back at home, that made it easier to appreciate how _nice_ the morning was... the gentle blue of the sky as sun and cloud broke over it, the morning dew on the grass below, the confident trill of birdsong... the look of honest wonder on Marron's face as he took all of this in. As the two brothers walked the path to Facade's eastern fields, Carrot couldn't help but think about how _relaxed_ Marron looked. When was the last time he'd seen Marron like that...? It seemed that all the times he came across his younger brother, he was always meditating or studying or doing _something_ that required practically solitary confinement... Carrot understood that Marron did what he had to to keep with his magical studies but couldn't help but feel that sometimes he was shutting himself away just a _little_.

He hadn't even been sure that Marron would agree with the idea of going on a picnic, thinking that maybe it'd conflict with some schedule or something... but when he'd suggested it, Marron had only smiled warmly and said that he thought that that was a wonderful idea. There didn't seem to be anything that could shake that smile.

Carrot remembered little from his time inside Hakaishin. It was more feeling and suggestion, like a dream that felt so powerful while dreaming but that felt indescribable by words upon waking up... even the emotions were hard to pin down. Fear, pain, sorrow, loneliness... desperation, _need_... flashes of terrible darkness seemed interspersed with blinding light but Carrot could remember their voices. He remembered when he'd been able to hear them, when he'd sensed their presence nearby, when he'd _seen_ them... even the knowledge that they would all do anything for one another had fought against rational thought inside Carrot's mind at that time. Just because they all _would_ do anything didn't mean that they _could_ do anything... and yet they had. They'd come forth and offered their emotion openly and Hakaishin was dormant once more.

As the two of them walked the beaten path, Carrot glanced momentarily down at his hand. He was carrying one of two picnic baskets they'd packed for that day - Carrot knew that if they took one big one then Marron wouldn't even argue about taking the entire burden himself, and Carrot didn't want that. He carried one basket, Marron carried the other.

That had been where the touch had originated. As hazy as it all seemed, Carrot could remember _that_. Like light to dark, chill to warmth, that had been what it'd been like when at last they had _touched_. It was only a small touch, practically finger to finger... yet that physical contact had been enough to dispel the darkness and rescue Carrot's soul from despair.

That it had been Marron to cause that had spurred on some rather strange lines of thought in Carrot's mind in the weeks following that incident. Marron said nothing of it, other than neatly deflecting the praise Carrot tried to give to him... and that wasn't easy, it was harder still when there didn't seem to be a bone of conceit in Marron's body... couldn't he just take a compliment, honestly?!... Yet it all seemed taken in his stride. It was what had to be done and there was no question about it, there was absolutely no circumstance under which he _wouldn't_ have done whatever he could...

That was very general, though. It seemed more the specific that Carrot ended up thinking about... and he didn't like to raise it in front of Marron. Not least because he wasn't really sure what to say or how he meant it but also because he just _knew_ he wouldn't be able to say it - or _anything_ - without it coming out sounding slightly strange. Even thinking about it seemed bizarre - he was thinking so deeply and significantly about how Marron had _touched_ him?

You couldn't really lie to yourself, though Carrot often tried. Like those feelings from inside Hakaishin, Carrot didn't know how to describe them... just that there was _something_ to do with Marron floating around in that mind of his, that somehow this was all linked together with touch and that often this thought would send him blushing and trying to switch his train of thought to something else. Why did he always seem to react so guiltily to those thoughts? He was only recollecting what had happened... that Marron touching him had saved him? That Marron's touch had reawakened his soul? Had made him come alive?

There didn't seem to be _any_ way of thinking about it that didn't sound completely and utterly wrong. What kinds of thoughts were _those_ to be having?! No, it had all been completely innocent. It was just what had happened, there had been nothing behind it. How could there had been? Time and place, time and place...

"Niisan... don't you think that here is alright?"

"Oh?!"

It seemed that Marron had slowed to a halt. They had passed most of the residential area of the eastern sector of Facade and were now facing rolling hills and fields. A few small houses dotted the horizon but it was definite that this was around where the city tapered out. It seemed such a contrast to be able to look between the edge of Facade and the sudden rural landscape... Carrot glanced around. A field was a field, really... some held various animals of farming use but a few were quite empty... trees dotted the horizon and those closer seemed quite impressive. It seemed to be just the right time of year to be able to relax under a tree and eat a picnic... Carrot gently dropped the basket he held to the ground for a moment, "You don't wanna go further?"

"Niisan? Well, if you didn't want this field, then we can carry on..."

"No no, it's not that I don't like it, just that we're still kinda close to Facade... don't you think? I mean, it doesn't matter to me, wherever you want to go is fine by me..."

Marron smiled as he picked up Carrot's basket, taking them both over to where the path became grass became field to carry them over to the nearest tree.

"The farther we travel, the farther we have to walk back to Eden when we're finished. I would say this is about as far as is necessary..."

"Since when have you minded a bit of walking, huh?!"

"I'm only thinking of you, niisan."

There was something a little self-satisfied in that tone and Carrot felt slightly as if he were being told off... but Marron's voice was warm and he rarely spoke harsh words to Carrot as a standard - this could almost be considered as Marron being easy-going, if one were to think of it _that_ way... and he was already opening the picnic baskets and throwing out the blankets for the two of them to sit on; it seemed that Marron had made his decision already. Carrot hurried over.

"Hey, c'mon... you can't set all that out..."

"Why not, niisan?"

Marron seemed honestly clueless. Carrot folded his arms, "It's not fair to you, is it? Here, lemme help with this."

The two brothers were silent as they unpacked the baskets. Carrot found himself brooding slightly as he did so - aside from the things like fruits and vegetables that were naturally grown, all of the food was made at Marron's hand. Not that Marron couldn't prepare food, quite the startlingly opposite - he'd always been quite skilled at such things and anything he made was guaranteed to taste wonderful... Carrot just couldn't help but feel slightly inadequate in the face of this. He'd been slightly reluctant at first to even suggest a picnic, knowing that this would give Marron the majority of the work... and that Marron would never complain about such a thing at _all_. Always so damn obedient. Still, he'd liked the idea of a picnic and at the time, Carrot had vowed to help with the food... but when he'd tried to help in the kitchen, he'd just come off feeling a bit spare against all of the spectacular things Marron was preparing. In the end, he'd supposed it probably more helpful if he left his brother to his own devices.

All of the things that Marron had prepared... all hand-prepared...

Carrot quickly decided to occupy himself with talking. That seemed safer.

"Wow, Marron! This all looks great! Man, how long were you preparing all of this? I know you'd already done a lot when I went to bed but there seems to be all that amount and then half again, that's... man, I dunno how you manage to do all of this stuff. I mean, I could probably make a sandwich but then you make all these sandwiches like these and they're all neat and everything inside is all sliced and pretty and neat and tidy and... I don't get how you do it! I mean, where do you learn all of this?!"

Marron might have been blushing but it could also have been the morning light reflecting the red throw rug against him, it was hard to tell.

"Niisan... it takes time and patience but it isn't difficult... if you were at all patient, I'm sure you could become just as skilled..."

"Huh, y'think? I dunno, when you've got a knife and you're chopping and it's all ton-ton-ton-ton-ton, I'd end up cutting a finger off! It's 'cause you've got all... pose and stuff."

"Poise, niisan?"

"That too. It's all delicate stuff. See, you've got delicate hands and everything, so you can do things like that-"

Carrot stopped himself abruptly as he realised that his mind was poisoning his spoken words. Delicate hands, what was _that_ supposed to mean!?... Fortunately, this seemed to create little reaction from Marron who only paused as he lifted another little box out of the basket; he looked confused for a moment before placing it down, practically echoing the sentiments of Carrot's rapidly devolving mind.

"... Delicate hands, niisan?"

"Well, you know what I mean..."

"I don't, but I'll take your word for it. Have you finished with that basket? We can set these over here for the time being, they don't need to take up space on the blankets."

"Oh? Oh, yeah. Here."

Feeling slightly displaced, Carrot handed over the empty picnic basket. Marron placed them both aside and settled down into a kneel against the blanket. He smiled up at his brother, "I think we can start now, don't you?"

"Marron, it's barely even got light yet..."

"We haven't even eaten breakfast yet, niisan. Having come out here like this... we can be relaxed about it, can't we? We don't have to eat everything at once, we can spend time savouring the food... so please don't bolt everything down suddenly, niisan."

"Huh!? Like I'd do that."

The look on Marron's face said enough for Carrot to falter slightly. He glanced to the side, "... Uh, well, I'll try..."

"Still... there's more to a picnic than just the food, don't you think? Niisan?"

"Ah- ah?"

It seemed a sudden question, one of Marron's usual but one of the kinds that Carrot found harder to answer. One of those more obscure, thinking questions... but that was right, Carrot knew he could only agree with that. After all, why had he planned a picnic in the first place? So that he could have some time alone with Marron, so that he could at least _try_ to express his gratitude for what had happened with Sacher and Hakaishin and everything... but how _was_ there to put that? It was practically established fact that Marron didn't take praise well and by now, for something like _that_, it just seemed _annoying_. Marron had played a very big part in what had happened, could he not recognize that?...

The two of them had fallen silent. Marron was currently picking himself some food he considered appropriate for a breakfast, it seemed. Carrot smiled, trying to work out how to seamlessly go from answering Marron's question to saying what he wanted to say. It was best to get it out of the way, wasn't it?

"Uh, yeah... yeah, there is. Like, um... um. Yeah."

Marron didn't give any further reaction to Carrot's indecision, only reaching over to pick up an apple.

"Would you like one, niisan?"

"Uh? Oh, an apple... sure, sure. Um, so, uh... hey, Marron?"

"Yes, niisan?"

It was hard to say anything to Marron's expression of honest curiosity. Carrot found his gaze dropping, coincidentally down to where Marron was holding the two apples he'd picked up. Noticing exactly where he seemed to be focusing, Carrot quickly looked up again.

"Uh... it sure looks like it's going to be a nice day, doesn't it?"

"It does, yes... I was slightly worried that it might rain, but already it seems to be clearing up. Of course, if it _does_ rain, we won't have anywhere to take shelter..."

"We're sitting under a tree, we'll be fine. So, um... er... how _are_ you?"

Marron frowned his confusion again, "... Niisan?"

"I, I mean... it's been a while since... what _happened_, hasn't it? So, I was just wondering how you were holdin' up on it..."

"I'm alright, niisan. How are you?"

"... I, I'm fine..."

An annoyingly escapist answer, though Carrot would have been lying to himself if he'd thought he hadn't predicted that kind of response. Marron could easily say such things with such a smile... but was he _really_ alright? It _had_ been weeks since so perhaps the shock was wearing off somewhat by now... but it still seemed strange. Marron hadn't seemed to have spoken about his feelings at all... not that Carrot had heard much from the others either, but that was slightly different. They all ended up occupied with their own day-to-day lives... but Marron, he shared a _bedroom_ with Marron. Waking up together, going to sleep together, sharing a room for so much of the time, it surprised Carrot that they never seemed to _talk_ about things, at least things like _that_. Often Marron would go to bed very early, though - likely to compensate for the fact that he woke up ridiculously early most days. This didn't make talking things over easy, nor was Carrot entirely comfortable with the amount of time he spent standing next to Marron's bed and just watching him sleep. There was a line between 'caring brother' and 'plain creepy' and he was starting to wonder if he'd crossed it.

That was before you took into account the simply worrying amount of time he spent preoccupied with Marron's hands and fingers. No, the line was far behind him now.

The day brightened and colour left the sky, the tones evening out into blues and whites. There was a slight breeze, enough to be refreshing while not harsh enough to chill. The day really was shaping up to be a pleasant one... and indeed, it seemed like all of the days since the battle with Sacher had been pleasant. This was perhaps due to perspective; even a rainy day seemed wonderful. It was enough to still be around to see the rainy days alongside the sunny ones... but that aside, it _had_ been sunny at least for most of the last week. Maybe the weather would last? Carrot hoped so. If it got any warmer then perhaps that'd be enough excuse to go to the beach again? Not that he ever needed much of an excuse for _that_. Still, at least for today, his first priority was his brother.

This seemed strange in itself.

The sun was quite high in the sky before Carrot managed to even _begin_ to bring the conversation back to where he'd meant it to be originally. He seemed to be developing terrific powers of dodging the question and Marron always had mystical powers of soul-destroying modesty... but by the time it reached around lunchtime, the two of them had been at the picnic for quite a few hours, they'd relaxed somewhat, they were making easy conversation about whatever came up and falling into comfortable silence when it didn't... but Carrot was determined. He _would_ thank Marron for his part in what happened and he _would_ let his brother know exactly how thankful he felt for this. Carrot felt horribly conscious of how little he tried to make Marron aware of how much he truly and honestly appreciated him. There didn't even seem to be enough words in the language to express this but there was no point in not even trying, surely...? In the end, as was Carrot's habit, he came out with it suddenly.

"Hey Marron?"

"Yes, niisan?"

"Uh, I'm going to say something. And I don't want you getting all modest and just waving it off or whatever, 'cause that's what you always do and I don't want you to do it this time. Okay?"

"A-alright, niisan...?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Uh... I, I just wanted to say... um... about... what _happened_... uh... well, um... _thanks_, y'know? But- but not _just_ that, I mean... um..."

Again, Carrot lapsed into silence. He gulped slightly. He'd started so he might as well finish, but... finish _how_?... He looked up at Marron, who seemed to be remaining respectfully silent. Once more, it seemed terribly difficult to say anything to that open kind of expression... and what _was_ there to say? Carrot didn't dare bring up the whole finger thing. Nothing that was appropriate at _all_ seemed to come to mind and this annoyed Carrot. He growled in his annoyance.

"_Dammit_... I want to say like, like, like how much I appreciate you and how you do stuff and it's like yeah and like, I mean, you _know_, but I can't seem to get how to say it and it's pissing me off! That's why I brought you out here in the first place, 'cause I wanted us to have some time alone together to be able to say stuff like this without the others all disturbing us and everything, but even now we've been out for hours I can't even seem to say all the stuff about how when I was inside Hakaishin and you did that thing and I was there and you were there and I could hear you and it was like, like, I can't even _describe_ it but it, it was like... _gahhh_, I can't think of anything what it was like! Why do I suck so much with words, _god_... I mean, you were there, you know what it was like! But I mean, for how it was like for _me_, when you appeared and all of that happened... it's like... I'm... really glad it happened, y'know? I guess... I mean, not that Sacher nearly resurrected Hakaishin or anything 'cause that was pretty bad and it was pretty damn scary 'cause I really thought he was gonna, but... I'm glad it all managed to work out in the end, y'know? 'Cause... 'cause if it hadn't then I wouldn't even be able to take picnics with you to not be able to say all the things I want to say, and that wouldn't be- I wouldn't like that. I like things how they are now, with everyone as they are... even better now Eclair-chan's with us! But-... but that could have all not happened... if it wasn't for you guys..."

Carrot paused, looking down before he spoke again.

"... If it wasn't for _you_..."

"... Niisan..."

Embarrassed, Carrot looked up quickly. "Ahaha, but that, that's just... I mean, you don't gotta pay attention to any of that, I'm just saying stuff that doesn't make sense-"

This time, Carrot was silenced by Marron moving all of a sudden; from his kneel he leant forward, reaching forward with one hand to place it over Carrot's own... and then Carrot was surprised to feel Marron press a kiss against his cheek. He lingered there for a few moments before pulling back slightly, though keeping his hand firmly where it was. This time it seemed to be Carrot's turn to look confused.

"... Marron?"

Marron didn't look at Carrot as he spoke, "... Please, niisan. Saying those things, it's-... you don't have to say those things. Even if you don't say them well, even if you don't say them at _all_, I-... I still know what you mean. You don't have to torture yourself awkwardly."

Marron's hand felt warm and Carrot couldn't help blushing at this, "... But how are you supposed to know how I feel if I never tell you anything?! Especially after that, I'm gonna want to tell you how I feel, we coulda all died! Hell, Gateau _did_, but... I-... I mean..."

"Niisan?"

"Y-yes?"

"I love you."

Turning his hand to press his fingers between Marron's, Carrot smiled. He didn't look away either. Of course. It seemed so easy when said like that; all of the complicated things, trying to explain everything and describe everything... Carrot knew that wasn't his area. That was more Marron's kind of area and yet he was the one to sum it all up succinctly. Again, that was typical of his behaviour. He could say it in such a straightforward manner, too... Carrot dared to look up, realising that Marron was looking him in the eyes now. If it was that, it wasn't something to be embarrassed about, was it? It was plainly and perfectly true.

~_fin_~


End file.
